A personal story illustrates how sharing a passion can provide lifelong bonds. When my sons were growing up I was teaching at the University of Rochester. We bought a small cottage at a nearby lake where my wife and sons spent the summer, and I commuted on a daily basis.  I love water sports, swimming and boating and I was fortunate to be able to share those passions with my sons at the lake. They are grown now and still share my love of water sports. One of our greatest pleasures, even today when they have their own families, is to go for a sail together on my little Cat Boat on Cape Cod Bay. It is deeply gratifying and satisfying for me to see my sons take the helm with such confidence, and assurance.

Like it or not, there is a gender issue in sharing one’s passions. Many of the passions parents choose to share with their children are sex linked. In the above examples I have used fathers and sons. While fathers can, and do, share their love of ball or of water sports with their daughters, it is simply less often the case.  Although women have made important inroads into professional sports, many sports remain male-dominated. And there are still strong social prejudices as to what are appropriate male and female activities. It is okay, in our society, for girls to engage in what are usually regarded as male activities.  It is less acceptable for boys to share the passions of their mothers when these are regarded as feminine pursuits. Sewing, needlepoint, and ballet come to mind. Cooking is one of the few unisex activities but even cooking tends to have its gender benders. Males are more likely to cook on the grill than in the kitchen.  These are social biases that are hard to overcome unless we make a special effort to do so.

What is really the best is when the whole family shares a passion such as skiing, or sailing, or biking. Each child is brought into the sport at an early age and it becomes a truly family affair. I have no objection to even a young child being taught to ski, or to skate, or to swim, if this is an activity that the whole family engages in and in which everyone watches out for, and supports one another. Such a shared passion bonds the family over the years and brings far-flung family members together as no other bond could do.  Nonetheless, even when it is only one parent who shares a passion it is still very valuable for the children to have this experience.  In my own case, while my wife does not share my passion for sailing, she has generously supported my sharing this love with our sons.